dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are the jesus of drinking
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
