I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize