So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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