how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
