Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
