sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
