Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
3pm strippers are depressing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
