well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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