Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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