He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
