Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
