you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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