smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
