Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
