I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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