You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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