Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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