R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I did not marry a roomba.
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