i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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