I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
