I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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