I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
