Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
