lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
