He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
