I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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