Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
