Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
