Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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