Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Pooping to opera.
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