We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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