I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
