Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
