i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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