i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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