who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
