Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
