We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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