my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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