Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
