I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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