I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
