I just cut my nipple shaving
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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