i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
