Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
