I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
