The maid of honor just puked.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize