Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
