Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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