she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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