Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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