so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
