I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
