I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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