i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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