I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish you could order shots online.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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