He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
