This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
