Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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