dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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