I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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