I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
