I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
