I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
