Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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