So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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