why didn't you poke me back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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