Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
nutella sex= disaster
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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