Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This is classic penis vs brain.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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