I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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